Big Vs. Aidan

12/2/2015

Thanksgiving break at home provided me with more free time than I know what to do with.  So, like most people, I spent my time binge watching on the couch.  The show of choice? Sex and the City, starting at episode one of season one. I was around 12 years old when I saw my first episode.  I had to of watched it while left home alone because, I know for a fact my mother would have never knowingly let me watch it that young.  What can I say? I was a stubborn and curious child (sorry mom and dad).  Like most girls that are avid watchers, I had an immediate fascination with Carrie Bradshaw.  Everyone wants to be Carrie, a beautiful bachelorette with an even more beautiful closet.  She and I share a love for great shoes, cute boys, and good times with good friends.  As reckless as it may be to spend a paycheck on the latest Manolo's, Carrie's life was the one I longed for.  In addition to a bit of a shopping problem, Carrie and I share an innate ability to choose the wrong men.  Men who lie for a living.  Men who cannot commit.  Men who are only interested in moving on to the next girl that has bigger tits and a smaller brain.  As much as I love Carrie, I refuse to follow her footsteps in one particular aspect of life.  I refuse to end up with Mr. Big.  

I met my Mr. Big when I was 13, young, and naive.  He was my first big love.  You may be thinking, how can you find your first big love at 13? Well, it took the next 6 years of my life for me to see just how big of a place in my heart he had. Much like Carrie and Big, there were incredible moments and there were really horrible times.  There were months that no one and nothing could pry us apart and there were months we didn't speak.  We would drift apart and be with other people but, we would always land back in the same spot.  All it took was one late night, slightly intoxicated "Hello" text message.  It always started simple; catching up on life and bragging about how much we had moved on and evolved.  It always ended again with an inability to commit and deciding maybe we weren't right for each other.  We were magnetically drawn to each other and always found a way back together.  The biggest problem in the relationship could be blamed on timing.  He found his way out of state, I found my way to a different guy.  I found my way to single, he found his way right back to "I'm not ready to date".   6 years of fighting for him to pick me. 6 exhilarating and exhausting years of back and forth.  6 years of being screwed over. 

The partner you are with shouldn't bring pain, self doubt, and confusion to your life. Your person should be the one that always has your back and loves you unconditionally.  Relationships are't always easy however, they should not constantly involve fighting to stay together.  For a long time, I wanted to believe that it was romantic to experience the pain and suffering (very Romeo and Juliet-esque) .  There comes a point were it just is too much because, I deserve better than that.

I met my Aidan when I was 18 and wasn't looking for anyone.  We were in the same place at the same time and that was it.  We were hooked. We became completely immersed in each other.  He became my best friend and the person with whom I fell completely in love.  We started as friends but, have always had a connection that goes beyond that.  Much like two souls that have known each other for millions of years and needed to reunite in this lifetime.  We found our way to each other and he has been my person ever since.  He is the one that changed everything.  The one that makes me feel crazy for ever settling with anyone else. Things aren't always perfect with us, our relationship involves a lot of work.  The thing is though, it is equal work on both our parts.  We both believe in us.  We support each other no matter what.  We both are madly in love with each other. It is mutual respect and compassion.  He is the person that makes me smile constantly.  He is the one that makes me feel like I'm 5 again without a care in the world.  He is the one I can share and talk about     absolutely anything with. He picked me.  He loves me and, he is proud of it.  He is the reason why I will never end up with Mr. Big.

Love shouldn't pain you all day everyday.  No relationship should exist when it brings more hurt than love.  Hearts can only be broken so many times.  At some point it becomes obvious that it is time to let it go and Carrie should have done it when Big left for Paris.  That should have been the end all, be all.  You cannot change a man.  You cannot expect that one day things will be different.  You cannot go down that rabbit hole.  I chose happy.  I chose real, intense, all consuming love.  I chose my Aidan.    I chose the one that makes me smile every day.  I chose the man that constantly pushes me to be the best version of myself.  I chose the man that would never hurt me.  Carrie made the  biggest mistake when she gave up Aidan.  That will never happen for me.  I will always choose my Aidan.  He is the one I will make room in my closet for.  He is the one that taught me real, true, and selfless love. He is my epic love.

If you need further proof as to why the Aidan's of the world are the best, BuzzFeed broke it down for you here.

HappyBrooke Lowrey