Finding Ease In The Mess
Hi friends. Welcome to 2018. This year got off to a very different start than most for me. 2017 served as a year of massive personal growth and change for me. As I began 2018 I thought to myself “what now?” I spent a whole year working on myself and yay awesome it was great... but “now what?” I wish I could say that I feel that this year was “going to be my year” but the truth of the matter is, I don’t really feel that way. If anything, I feel as though this year will be set to grow and nurture the building blocks and foundation for myself. A year to continue building positive life habits, a year of healthy practice and focus.
This is not a post of motivation or intended inspiration. It has no large life realization or profound wisdom I have uncovered. I haven’t figured it out, I’m not confident in these words. This is just me, meeting myself where I am at right now.
I’m growing everyday. Through trials and errors. Through moments I want to share with the whole world and through the times I’ve compromised my own character. I am digging deeper into my own discomfort - accepting that it is there and embracing it free of judgement.
With love, comes pain. With joy, comes sadness. With ease, comes discomfort.
I am in a really messy but wonderful stage. In the past, I would put so much judgement and weight on myself when I would feel “off”. I would build this big story in an attempt to explain it and rationalize it and I take some extreme action to try and “make me better”. When in reality, if I had just accepted it for what it was and met myself where I was at in the moment, I would’ve been able to breath and move through it.
The messy parts push you to greatness.
So many of my “resolutions” were set in fall of last year so it seems silly to create new ones just because of the New Year - especially when I still have so much work to do. So instead, I have decided to set a personal intention to travel along side me through this journey I continue to explore.
Vulnerability. Showing up and accepting where I am - mentally, physically and spiritually. Stepping into the discomfort and letting things be, just the way they are. No controlling, no bitching, no story.
What could happen if you were to let go of whatever the story is that you are carrying around? My personal story is that I am tragically stuck here in college surrounded by people and a culture that challenges so much of my soul. Your story may be that you need to have your life figured out for graduation. It may be that food is your enemy. It could also be as simple as being sad and hung up on an ex. Whatever your story is, get real and get vulnerable with it. What would happen if you were to accept the feelings and meet the fear and anxiety in the deepest place it takes you?
Getting to a place where you are able to acknowledge the story you cary around and the weight it has on you, allows you to release it. Breathe into the discomfort and get curious about what would happen if you did it differently. What would happen if you met yourself wherever you are at right NOW in this very moment? Can you let what is, be, and find that ease in the mess?